No-one’s suggesting it’s easy. But is there a “right” way and a “wrong” way of going about the unpleasant task of ditching unwanted lovers and saying 'no thanks' to unsuitable dates?
With the opportunities offered by on-line dating and social media sites, we’re all hooking up and moving on a lot faster and a lot more often than we've ever done before. Whether we like it or not, the art of gracefully ending relationships is something everyone is having to learn.
When is the Digital Dump OK?
Email, voicemail and text messaging – or getting someone else to do the dirty work for us – means it’s never been easier to chicken out of taking personal responsibility for dumping our date. No question these methods are extremely handy – and common practice – when a relationship is in the very early stages. It saves us the embarrassment of having to witness the other person’s reaction – and it saves them the public loss of face.
Once we’ve met face to face more than once or twice however, the “digital dump” is no longer so acceptable. In fact once we’ve started sleeping with someone, it’s downright insensitive and rude. Despite this, digital kiss-offs are currently on the increase as a cowardly way of ending long-term relationships instead of “doing the right thing”.
So if the situation demands that we break it off in person, what exactly is the correct etiquette? What steps can we take to make things easier, both on ourselves and on the dumpee? How do we go about achieving closure with the minimum of tears?
What’s the Correct Etiquette?
However long you’ve been in contact with someone, once you’ve made a definite decision you don’t want to take the relationship further, it’s best to be honest with them straight away.
Fudging the issue by ignoring their calls and emails, or stringing them along because you’re too scared to tell them the truth, only prolongs the agony and makes things worse for both of you in the long run. Taking personal responsibility and getting it over with quickly allows both of you to move on.
The better you know the other person, the more important it is break off your relationship with them in person, whether at a face-to-face meeting or on the telephone. In either case your aim is to achieve closure there and then, as clearly and decisively as possible.
It’s generally a bad idea to go into long explanations – beating around the bush or sounding overly apologetic may create doubt in their mind as to whether you really mean what you say. Cruel though it may seem, you can’t afford to leave them with any kind of hope.
Make Sure the Stars Are on Your Side!
In order to carry this through successfully, you’ll need to be at your strongest and your most resolute, so make certain you get your timing right. Be sure to check out 'AstroReveal's 'Personal Love Calendar', which details the very best dates for all matters relating to your love life. You're likely to find it a big help.
Detailed astrological forecasting, based on your personalized birth chart, allows you to plan ahead and choose a day when you’re in the appropriate frame of mind. That way, whatever you have to deal with, you have the reassurance that the stars will be on your side!
Show a Bit of Respect
While it’s important to be firm, there’s no reason not to be respectful at the same time. Because what goes around comes around, it pays to treat the person you’re dumping in a way you would wish to be treated if the boot were on the other foot.
This includes sparing them the embarrassment of dumping them somewhere they’re likely to be known, not blabbing to mutual acquaintances that it’s over before you’ve actually told them, and not getting a friend to do the dumping on your behalf. As always, good manners are the key to helping ourselves – and others – feel more comfortable in difficult situations.
Showing consideration for the other person’s feelings, not criticizing or blaming them in any way – and if necessary telling a few white lies – really helps to soften the blow. It may be an old cliché, but “it’s not you, it’s me” often works surprisingly well! None of us likes to be told we’re “not good enough”, and however self-assured and resilient we may be, dealing with rejection is always pretty tough!
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