They say it’s character building – in a perverse kind of way – and it's true that the more often we have to handle it, the stronger and more resilient we become. For those who face regular 'auditions' in their work, rejection isn’t a particularly big deal. But when we’re not used to it, being told we’re not wanted can feel like a massive slap round the face.
You Can't Please All the People All the Time
The bad news is that – whether we like it or not – ongoing rejection is a fact of life of the internet dating scene. You can’t please all of the people all of the time, and none more so than when you’re looking for love on-line.
With everyone searching for the ‘perfect match’, the odds are that we’ll only win over a tiny percentage of the people we’d like to go out with – and that a large proportion of our first dates will fail. The end result is that we’re all having to deal with an ever increasing number of rebuffs.
It helps a lot if we can keep our expectations fairly low. The more we invest in the way of hopes and dreams in the outcome of a romantic encounter, the more we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Actors accept that most of the time they won’t get most of the parts they audition for. It pays to look at things in the same way when we’re dating.
Don’t Take It Personally
It’s something we’ve told ourselves many times, and of course it makes total sense. But knowing we shouldn’t take rejection personally and handling our feelings when it actually happens are two entirely different things.
It’s a basic human need to want to be accepted and to want to be liked. When this doesn’t materialize – as is often the case when we’re working the dating scene – it can shatter our sense of self-belief.
Beating ourselves up and assuming it must be our fault is a common reaction to rejection, but the reality is that we are rarely personally to blame. If the chemistry isn’t there, there’s no magic formula for igniting it. If the dynamics are wrong, there’s no quick way of making them right.
When someone rejects us it doesn’t have to mean we’re not up to scratch or that they dislike us for some reason. It’s just that when it comes to who and what they’re looking for at this moment in time, we don’t fit the bill. There are endless reasons for someone turning us down, of which we generally know nothing. What’s important to keep in mind, however, is that none of them are likely to have anything to do with us.
A Primeval Fear
Why, then, is it so hard to escape the surprisingly powerful emotions associated with rejection? Maybe it’s because the fear of rejection is a primeval instinct. Rooted deep in our psyche, it’s closely linked to the fear of abandonment we experience in babyhood, when our whole survival depends on our parents’ acceptance.
Every subsequent risk of abandonment causes these deep insecurities to resurface; every time we’re told we’re unacceptable, it sparks off our instinctive fears. No wonder then, that putting ourselves out there in the dating marketplace is such an incredibly scary thing.
Of course, if we never took any risks, our love lives would be considerably the poorer – just think of all the adventures we’d miss out on. The bottom line is that cyber dating is all about risk-taking. Each time we post our details on line, each time we send out a self-introductory email, each time we ask someone out, we’re setting ourselves up for rejection.
Risk Reduction Strategies
We can minimize the risk of a rebuff by doing some careful astrological research ahead of meeting up with potential dates. Rather than just trusting to luck, it’s a good starting point only to choose people with whom the stars suggest we can expect a reasonably high level of compatibility. Something that’s impossible to tell merely from email exchanges, it considerably reduces our chances of scoring a dud.
The less we know about what we’re letting ourselves in for, the greater our vulnerability. The more we can find out in advance about who we’re dating, the more we’re in control. Familiarizing ourselves with the information contained in their horoscope gives a much better take on the kind of person they really are (as opposed to who they want us to think they are) than simply wading in blind.
Getting the Stars on Your Side
Because timing is everything, especially where love is concerned, picking the right day for that crucial first meeting can also make a big difference to our prospects of success. It’s difficult to over-emphasize the importance of having the stars on our side when we’re planning a special occasion. Sceptics who find this hard to believe are often surprised when they put it to the test.
But what to do if, despite all our best efforts, we still get dumped out of the blue? Well, in that case, there’s not much choice other than to take it on the chin (even astrologers sometimes have to admit there are certain things in life over which we have no power!). Then get set to bounce back fast.
How to Bounce Back Fast:-
1) Learn What You Can, Then Move On
Without dwelling too long on the whys and wherefores, learn as much as you can from a rejection. A brief analysis of why it may have happened – did you pick the wrong person, could you have handled things better – can often help you avoid future failures. As often as not it will be outside of your control, but once you’ve done the post-mortem, at least you can move on.
2) Carry Your Head High
Acting like you don’t really care when you’re hurting inside is never easy. It is, however, by far the best way to hold onto your precious dignity. Chasing and pleading only makes you look desperate and invites the other person to reject you over and over. Don’t keep rubbing salt in your wounds. The sooner you’re out of there, the sooner you’ll start to heal.
3) See It as a Gain, Not a Loss
Try to see what’s happened as a blessing in disguise. Surely it’s better to know where you stand before you get in any deeper? If someone doesn’t appreciate you for who you are, do you really want to know them anyway? Isn’t the odd failure good for you, spurring you on to get it right next time? Focusing on these kinds of positives is often a big help.
4) Get Back in the Saddle
Sulking, moping and fooling yourself that you’re done with dating is just a big time waster, and only prolongs the pain of rejection. Of course, the longer the relationship, the longer the time needed to get over it. But – sooner or later – the only way to recover from a bad dating experience is to get back in the saddle again.
5) Boost Your Confidence
Remind yourself you’re a lovable person by focusing on all your best features, all the nice things people have ever said about you, and everything that has gone well for you in the past. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself again (other than getting drunk!), or treat yourself to something special.
6) Keep Your Sense of Humor!
Once you’re over the hurt and the anger, you’ll often see the amusing side to the situation. In retrospect, dating disasters can be excruciatingly funny – and they make great conversation pieces. Just think about it: no-one’s that interested in our success stories, it’s our biggest flops that raise the most laughs!
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